


Healing Hearts

by Sweetgirl2019



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-08 11:23:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17980406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetgirl2019/pseuds/Sweetgirl2019
Summary: Two weeks have passed since Alex broke things off at the drive in. When Michael sees him and Kyle together, it pushes him to try and make things right between him and Alex. But Alex has years of abuse and suffering to overcome before he can let himself truly be loved by Michael.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Episode 6 was amazing and terrible all at once. Hate is not a strong enough word to describe my feelings for Jesse Manes. Reading the description for an upcoming episode where Alex stands up to his father, I wanted to write something along the same lines. Plus a little Kylex and jealous Michael thrown in :)

 

               Sitting at the Wild Pony and nursing a beer as he took in the crowd around him had become a weekly routine for Michael. Either he would get himself drunk enough to go home and pass out, pick a fight and end up at the drunk tank in the Sheriff’s department or take a random, nameless woman back to his truck and try to forget everything for a few miserable minutes. Ever since Alex walked back into his life a few weeks back, Michael found himself unable to go about his weekly routine any longer.

                Three incredible nights was all he got until Alex decided they were through _again_. He tried to keep a mask of indifference with everyone around him when deep down, he was gutted at losing the only person he had ever loved for a second time. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t see Maria come to a stop across him behind the bar, watching him with a frown.

                “You doing okay, Guerin?” she finally asked, and he snapped his head up.

                It took a few seconds, but his charming smile made its appearance as he leaned back in his stool. “Hey DeLuca.”

                “Something’s up with you lately,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest.

                “You been paying attention to me? Got to say, I’m flattered,” he replied with a wink.

                She narrowed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to get a read on him. “Usually by now, you’re flirting up a storm with whatever available girl you can find in here.”

                “Maybe I just need a drink first,” he said, losing a bit of his façade as he lifted his beer.

                “No, it’s more than that. The past few weeks, you’ve been different.”

                “I think you should pay more attention to the rest of the customers instead of nagging me,” he mumbled, looking away as she laughed.

                “All I meant is that the girl over there has been sending you serious heart eyes for the past hour and you’re sitting here, completing ignoring her,” she said, motioning down the bar.

                Michael tilted his head to the side and noticed three women seated at the end of the bar. The blonde was giving him a seductive smile, waving her manicured fingers his way. He turned back to Maria and shrugged, unfazed by the blatant display.

                “Maybe I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

                “More like you haven’t been feeling it for the past two weeks, maybe even longer than that. Do you need a pill?”

                “Don’t you have people to serve?” he snapped, rolling his eyes.

                She laughed again and made her way towards the other end of the bar. Sighing heavily, he stared down at his half-drunk beer and closed his eyes. He could still feel the press of Alex’s lips on his own, the feel of his arms holding him tight as Michael buried himself inside him. With everyone else, sex was an escape from his bitter reality. Michael would do the deed and leave as soon as things were done, never lingering. Only with Alex had he ever taken his time. For them, sex was never a chore. The passion and desire between them when they came together was an expression of their deep love for one another, one that even the most famous of poets could never transcribe. 

                Before he could lose himself in the bittersweet memories, he felt a hand grip his arm and turned to see the blonde taking a seat on his empty side.

                “Hi there, baby,” she purred, leaning in to reveal her cleavage.

                “Hey,” he found himself saying, unable to find the energy for anything more.

                “I saw you across the bar and I thought to myself, there’s a cowboy who can show a girl a great time,” she said, suggestively licking her upper lip.

                He watched her for a moment, trying to will himself to accept the distraction she was offering but his heart quickly betrayed him as thoughts of Alex returned to his mind. He remembered the way Alex had looked when he was under Michael in the small trailer bed, crying out in pleasure on the night before the drive in. As Michael had thrusted into him, harder and deeper with every move, he had found himself staring into the eyes of the only person he had ever so desperately loved. In that moment, flushed and unguarded, Alex had been the most beautiful thing Michael had ever laid eyes on.

               Sensing his distraction, the woman leaned in and brushed one of his loose curls behind his ear. But her move had the opposite affect as he remembered all the times Alex had played with his curls. The feel of her hands on his face felt wrong.

               “How about I give you a few minutes to think about it, baby? I’ll be over there with my friends.”

               Rising to her height, she pressed her chest in his face before walking back to her seat, her curvy hips swaying as she moved. Michael turned back to his beer and sighed. Even drinking didn’t feel the same anymore. Knowing that he wouldn’t take her up on her offer, he spun to his right to flag Maria and call it a night when he saw Alex walk inside. His breath caught in his throat, seeing him for the first time in two agonizingly long weeks.

               Unaware of Michael’s gaze, Alex took a few steps inside the bar, stopping at an empty table when someone suddenly bumped him from behind. He leaned forward on his crutch, gripping the side of a chair as his face scrunched up in pain. Michael jumped to his feet out of reflex, ready to rush towards him when he saw a pair of hands reach around Alex from behind. As Michael watched from across the bar, Kyle came into frame, one hand on Alex’s back to steady him as the other reached for the soldier’s arm.

               “You okay?” Kyle asked, the concern in his voice obvious.

               “I’m fine,” he replied through gritted teeth.

               Alex took a deep, calming breath before standing straight and nodding at Kyle. Michael watched as Kyle dropped the hand on Alex’s arm but the one on his back lingered, pressing against the fabric of Alex’s shirt. A feeling of unease filled the pit of Michael’s stomach as he watched them from across the room.

               “Alright, I’m going to head to the restroom and then grab us a couple drinks. You good?”

               “I’m fine,” Alex repeated, this time with more of an edge.

               Once Kyle disappeared, Michael watched as Alex limped towards another table closer to the end of the room, away from the obnoxious laughter of the rowdy crowd at the pool tables. Before his mind could catch up and stop him, Michael was on his feet and making his way over, reaching Alex before the soldier could sit down.

               “You’re hanging out with Valenti now?”

               Alex spun around and froze, his gaze going from surprise, to happy and finally growing sad.

               “Doctor’s a pretty good step up though, right?” Michael found himself asking, ignoring the confusion in Alex’s eyes. “You can’t be with a criminal so a doctor’s definitely a better choice.”

               "What are you talking about?” Alex asked with a frown. “Do you think I’m _with_ Kyle?”

               “You seemed pretty close from where I was sitting with Valenti getting all handsy with you like that.”

               Alex let out an incredulous laugh at the words. “Guerin, Kyle and I are _not_ together.”

               “Right,” Michael said, dragging the word out, unable to hide his bitterness.

               “Are you jealous?” Alex asked, a gleam in his eyes.

               Michael had missed seeing that spark in Alex but couldn’t bring himself to engage in flirty banter. He was still too raw and heartbroken from their last falling out.

               “Why would I be jealous? You broke things off again and I’m all the better for it,” he said, but lowered his voice so other patrons wouldn’t hear their conversation. “Just surprised that you’d be so up close and personal with that douche after everything he did to you in high school.”

                The gleam quickly left Alex’s eyes, replaced by a hard look that Michael hated seeing.

                “I think I remember better than anyone how he treated me back in high school,” Alex said, his anger showing through his words. “If for one second, you think I would turn around and so easily forgive let alone be with someone who hurt me like that, then you don’t know me at all.”

                Michael's own anger swiftly disappeared, his shoulders sagging.

                “Why are you here with him, then?”

                “He’s attempting to make amends. Slow going, though,” Alex replied, reigning in his own irritation.

                They stared at each other for another few seconds until Michael took a small step towards him.

                “Can we talk?”

                Alex’s eyes grew wide at the vulnerability behind Michael’s quiet words.

                “Guerin…”

                Before he could say anything more, the blonde from earlier slid her arm through Michael’s and tapped her fingers against his chest.

                “Was wondering where you went, baby.”

                Michael quickly glanced at Alex and saw the sudden hurt in his eyes. But as quickly as the pain had surfaced, it swiftly disappeared, replaced by a mask of indifference Michael himself recognized too well and had long ago perfected. Before he could untangle himself from the blonde, Kyle reappeared beside them.

               “Hey, what beer do you want?” he asked Alex, tipping his chin at Michael in acknowledgment.

               “You know what? Can we go, actually?” Alex asked in reply. “Not really in the mood for the bar scene right now.”

               Kyle looked between the three for a moment before nodding. “Sure, dude, we can just head back to my place.”

               As Alex turned to leave, Michael reached out and grabbed his arm on instinct, forcing the other man to stop.

               “Can we please go somewhere and talk?”

               Alex stared at him before looking at the impatient woman standing a couple feet away.

               “Wouldn’t want to keep your date waiting,” he replied, removing his arm from Michael’s grasp and following Kyle towards the exit.

               “Now you’re all mine,” she giggled.

               “Look, if I gave the impression I was interested,” Michael exclaimed as he faced her, “I’m sorry because I’m not.”

               Ignoring her incredulous scoff, he moved past her and rushed outside.

               “Are you sure you’re okay? That’s seemed a bit tense back there,” Kyle noted as they slowly made their way to his car.

               “It’s fine,” Alex said with a shake of his head when he suddenly felt a hand grab his own.

               “Alex, just wait, please,” Michael said, releasing his hand before Kyle could notice.

               “Look, why don’t I wait in the car. Take a minute,” Kyle offered and waited until Alex had nodded before he left them in the middle of the lot.

               Once Kyle was out of earshot, Alex spun around heatedly.

               “What do you want, Guerin? I thought I made my feelings clear at the drive in.”

               “Yeah, you did,” Michael agreed and swallowed the hurt he felt at the reminder. “But I don’t buy it.”

               Gripping Alex’s hips, he pulled the other man close until they were chest to chest, the sudden closeness making Alex gasp.

               “You can’t deny the way I make you feel, when you’re under me, when I’m inside you,” Michael whispered, smiling when he saw Alex’s eyes flutter and his breathing quicken.

               Michael took the distracted moment to slide one of his hands behind Alex’s lower back, pressing him in even closer.

               “Don’t go with him,” he whispered. “Please come home with me.”

               “That won’t solve anything,” Alex argued weakly and moaned when Michael bit lightly at his collarbone.

               “It will feel good,” Michael said, leaning back to meet his eyes. “Come home with me.”

               Alex took a deep, steadying breath and untangled himself from Michael’s arms, taking a step back. “I have to go. Goodbye, Guerin.”

               Before Michael could reach for him again, Alex limped as quickly as he could towards Kyle’s car, getting in and silently pleading with the other man to drive. They were several minutes on the road when Kyle finally spoke.

               “Do you want to talk about it?”

               “Not really and not with you,” Alex said with a sigh.

               “Look, man…,” Kyle started.

               “No, you look,” Alex cut in, turning to face him. “You said you want to repair our friendship and for better or worse, I said okay. But we need to get something clear. We are _not_ friends for good reason, Kyle, and saying you want to make it up to me is not something that will happen overnight if it happens at all. So, whatever advice you think you want to give, keep it to yourself.”

               Kyle took a moment to digest his words before taking a left down another road.

               “I get it, I really do,” he began. “But I’m still going to tell you anyway. Whatever the tension is between you and Guerin, I think you need to talk to him.”

               Alex shook his head and looked out the window, taking in his surroundings.

               “What are we doing here?” he asked just as Kyle pulled to a stop, Michael’s trailer in plain sight.

               “You can hate me for it if you want but I think I’m helping you by doing this,” Kyle said as they looked at one another. “If I’m wrong, well, you can’t hate me any more than you already do.”

               “You’re really going to make me get out?” Alex asked.

               “I’m not going to force you, man,” he said and sighed. “But I think you need to.”

               Alex watched him for a long moment before he opened the door and climbed out. Crutch in hand, he made his way towards Michael’s trailer, falling into one of the chairs scattered outside. Kyle hesitated for another few seconds before pulling back onto the road and driving off. Tipping his head up to look at the stars, Alex lost himself in the vastness above him.                      
  
                 Twenty minutes had passed when the sound of screeching tires dragged him back to the present. He looked down just as Michael made his way towards him, head lowered. When he finally looked up, Michael stopped dead in his tracks.

                “You’re here,” he managed to say, staring down into Alex’s soulful brown eyes.

                “Kyle kind of stranded me,” Alex replied with a dry laugh.

                Michael made a slow approach towards the other man, afraid that any wrong movements would make him leave. Alex stared down at the ground, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts as Michael lowered himself to the chair beside him. They sat together in silence, taking comfort in one another’s closeness. As the seconds ticked by, Michael watched the fight slowly drain away from the other man.

                 “I missed you so much when I was overseas,” Alex suddenly confessed, his words breaking Michael’s heart all over again.

                 When Alex lifted his gaze, tears were welled in his eyes.

                 “Did you miss me?”

                 “More than anything,” Michael breathed out before reaching forward to touch Alex’s face, making him turn away from the caress.

                 “This won’t solve anything, Guerin. All it will do is make it that much harder in the morning.”

                 “Then don’t leave in the morning,” Michael whispered, his words forcing Alex to meet his gaze again. “Stay with me tonight and stay in the morning. Stay always.”

                 The quiet admission lingered in the air between them,

                 “Our problems will still be there,” Alex finally said.

                 Michael moved from his chair until he was kneeling between Alex’s legs.

                 “I know and I want us to hash this all out but for right now, will you come inside with me?”

                 Alex stared into his eyes and finally nodded. Standing up, Michael outstretched his hand and pulled Alex behind him to the trailer door. Once they were inside with the door securely locked, Michael pinned him against the kitchen counter, making sure his prosthetic leg was free from any weight and pressed their foreheads together. Their fingers locked below their waists as they closed their eyes and breathed each other in. Leaning closer, he captured Alex’s mouth with his, the immediate peace he felt allowing the rest of the world to fade away.

                 Untangling their fingers, Michael’s hands traveled down Alex’s torso, caressing him softly as Alex tipped his head back and sighed. Bringing his hands up to the collar, Michael began unbuttoning the garment, their gazes never breaking. The air between them was charged as Michael pulled the shirt off Alex’s shoulders and tossed it aside. Lowering his head to Alex’s chest, he lavished over one nipple, making Alex gasp, before he moved on to the next. His lips traveled up his neck, leaving a mix of kisses and bites against the tender skin until he stopped his travels over Alex’s heart. Closing his eyes to keep his emotions at bay, he pressed his face against him and listened to the rapid beat. They stayed that way until he felt Alex wrap his arms around him, running his hands up and down Michael’s back in comfort.

                 “You almost died,” Michael whispered, unable to stop his voice from breaking. “You were overseas, in the middle of the desert, alone, and you almost died, and I couldn’t do anything about it.”                

                 “Shh, it’s okay, I’m right here,” Alex spoke softly in his ear, comforting and soothing Michael in a way that only he knew how.

                 When he was younger and things became intense at his foster homes, strumming a guitar was the only way Michael found peace in the chaos around him. Then Alex had walked into his life, dressed as a rebel with his eyeliner, nose ring and punk style, but carried a heart of gold and a gentleness within him that touched Michael to his core. Despite the heartbreaking abuse he suffered at his own father's hand, he still managed to show compassion to others and kindness to Michael. Kissing Alex for the first time that day at the UFO Museum was the best decision Michael had ever made in his twenty-eight years. With his hand mangled from the brutality of Alex’s father, the guitar had become an impossible escape, but Michael had realized after that first kiss that he no longer needed the instrument. Holding Alex in his arms, kissing and loving him always gave Michael a feeling of safety and peace that remained unmatched to present day.

                 Their grip on one another tightened until Michael lifted his wet eyes to meet his gaze. As the emotional connection between them intensified, Michael crashed his lips against Alex’s, slipping his tongue inside to savor the taste of everything he ached and longed for. Lifting Alex into his arms, he carried the other man towards his small bed and manhandled him down much like he had their first night a few weeks back. That night had been about discovering each other’s bodies again. Tonight, all Michael wanted was to make them both forget the heavy heartache that existed between them. Straddling his legs, Michael took in the breathless, flushed man beneath him and smiled.

                 “Beautiful,” he exclaimed before he covered Alex’s body with his own.

                   
                  ******

                    
                  When Michael woke hours later, alone in his bed, a crushing disappointment filled him. Pushing the covers away, his eyes fell to a note pinned to the wall above the pillow.

_This isn’t me running away. I had an early day at the base and didn’t want to wake you. I was afraid I’d never want to leave the bed if I did. I’ll call you tonight. Alex_

                  Smiling as he reread the words, Michael fell back onto the bed, unable to squash the hope that jolted in his heart.

 

 


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate Sergeant Manes.

 

 

                Switching off the engine, Michael sat in his truck and stared at the quaint cabin for several minutes. Alex’s truck was parked on the side, so he knew the other man was home. After their night together, Michael had gone through the whole of yesterday waiting for Alex to call. When midnight rolled around and no texts or calls came through, Michael tried his hardest to fight off his disappointment. It would have been easy to believe that Alex was going to pull away again but the part of him that carried hope from the letter Alex had left made him drive out to the cabin in the morning. Unsure of what Alex’s reaction would be, Michael swallowed his nerves and made his way to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked twice before stepping back.

                He heard the sound of quiet footsteps approaching until the door swung open. Alex was standing on the other side, crutch in hand and prosthetic in place, towel tied around his waist hanging low, with the rest of his wet skin bare as he ran a hand through his messy hair. Michael’s gaze wandered down the other man’s body, feeling his arousal spike. When their gazes locked, Michael softened at the genuine smile that greeted him.

                “Hi,” Alex managed, chuckling breathlessly at the heat he saw in Michael’s eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. I got in really late and didn’t want to wake you.”

                Michael’s gaze lowered again to the splatter of hair at Alex’s naval, leading down beneath the towel.

                “Do you want to come in?” Alex asked as a flush spread across his body.

                Stepping aside, he released a shaky breath when Michael brushed past him. Closing and locking the door, Alex turned and leaned back. Michael was standing close, smiling at him in a way that made him bite his lower lip.

                “Come here,” Michael whispered, stepping between his legs and cradling his face as he pressed their lips together.

                Alex melted into the kiss, one hand burying itself in Michael’s curls while the other gripped his crutch tightly. Pulling back for air, Alex’s watched through hooded eyes as Michael’s hands traveled across his chest, lovingly caressing his skin before they stopped at the edge of the towel. Holding Alex’s gaze, he slowly began untying the knot, letting the towel fall to floor beside them.

                “Beautiful,” he whispered as his eyes lowered to take him in.

                Alex let out a shuddering breath as Michael smiled and removed the crutch from his tight grip, laying it against the wall. Reaching for his thighs, he lifted the other man up so Alex could wrap his good leg around Michael’s waist.

                “I got you, sweetheart,” he promised, kissing him sweetly as he carried him down the hall towards the master bedroom Alex guided.

                Laying him on the bed, he stepped back to gaze down at the man that meant the world to him.

                “You planning on coming down here?” Alex asked, the shy smile he gave making Michael wish he could freeze them in that moment, forever.

                Hastily removing his own clothes, he released a deep breath before he crawled up Alex’s body, covering it with his own. Both groaned when they brushed against one another and Alex pulled him into a deep, heated kiss. Separating for air, Michael straddled his thighs and began removing the prosthetic, the tenderness in his touches making Alex’s smile soften. Once the piece was laid against the bed, Michael massaged the stump and smiled down at him.

                “Still beautiful,” he exclaimed, making Alex tremble at the gentleness in his voice.

Reaching out with shaky hands, he pulled Michael back down to him, relishing the warmth he felt when their bodies tangled together. Michael pressed kisses to his cheeks and forehead before he lifted Alex’s good leg and wrapped it around his waist again. Rolling his hips at a sharp pace, Michael swallowed Alex’s moans with a hungry kiss. Reaching down, Michael pressed a finger against Alex’s opening, the sudden intrusion making the other man gasp in a mix of pleasure and pain.

                “I’m ready, Guerin,” Alex whispered.

                “I need to make sure. I don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart,” Michael said and slipped a second finger inside, kissing Alex to distract him.

                When two fingers became three, Alex tightened his hold around Michael’s shoulders and buried his face against his neck.

                “Michael, please,” his voice cracked.

                Lifting up, Michael gazed down at him as tears welled in both of their eyes. Alex recognized the significance of the moment. He had called Michael by his first name. Even for those few short days after the reunion, he had only called him Guerin. Michael swallowed hard, overcome by the love he felt for the other man. He understood, they both did, that this moment was different.

                “Say it again?” he pleaded.

                “Michael,” he whispered, the single word carrying such deep meaning that shook both of them to their core.

                Smiling happily, Michael dove down to capture his lips and gripped Alex’s hips tightly as he slipped inside. Alex moaned at the sudden intrusion and Michael used every ounce of his power to hold himself steady. Once the pain began to subside, Alex kissed him.

                “Make love to me,” he whispered, a lingering smile on his face.

                Releasing a breath, Michael lowered his face to his lover’s neck and began to move. Their slow, steady pace held for several long minutes, allowing them to savor the moment as they lovingly caressed each other’s skin. The heat between them gradually began to rise when Alex lifted Michael’s face and kissed him breathless. Their pace soon grew frantic as Michael tore his lips away to bite into Alex’s neck, making the other man cry out. As their hands tangled above Alex’s head, Michael thrusted twice more before they came at the same time. Their deep breaths were the only sounds in the quiet room as they wrapped their arms around one another, holding tight.

                Michael slowly leaned up on his elbows and gazed down at a flustered Alex in wonder. The emotional connection between them had always been the difference, making the sex they shared more profound. They were never two bodies looking for release, but instead two parts of the same whole, finding the meaning of true love. The rest of their kisses were soft and tender until Michael slowly pulled himself out. Laying on his back, he wrapped Alex into his arms, running a hand down his back.

                “You called me Michael,” he finally said.

                Alex tilted his head back and smiled. Before he could reply, a loud knocking sounded on the door outside.

                “Ignore it. Whoever it is will go away,” Michael groaned, tightening his hold.

                When the knocking intensified, Alex smiled in apology before sitting up. Attaching his prosthetic, he rose to his feet and rummaged for a pair of boxers in his dresser. Wiping away the evidence of his pleasure, he slipped on his boxers and wrapped a robe around his body. Catching himself in the mirror, Alex chuckled at the image presented to him. Small bruises were littered across his neck, his hair was a disheveled mess and a flush covered his skin.

                “Baby, you look good,” Michael drawled from the bed.

                Alex’s attention was momentarily distracted as he watched the muscles in Michael’s body strain from his stretch. The sudden pounding from outside made him snap out of his daze and he grabbed his spare crutch, limping his way down the hall. Unlocking the door, he swung it open and froze when he saw his father looming outside. All the blood drained from his face as he stared into the cold, detached eyes of the man he hated and feared in equal amounts. Pushing his way in, Sergeant Manes twirled around to face his youngest son, the disgust in his expression growing at Alex’s disheveled state.

                “I saw his truck outside,” he spat, taking a step forward which made Alex reflexively step back. “I thought I told you to stay away from him.”

                “What do you want, dad?” Alex asked when he found his voice again.

                Instead of responding to the question, Sergeant Manes sneered.

                “You disgust me. You’ve always disgusted me,” he snapped, his words making the younger man freeze.

                In an instant, Alex felt transported back to his teenage years, standing terrified as the monster in his life destroyed his spirit piece by piece with every verbal abuse and physical strike. As Alex stood paralyzed by that sudden fear, his father looked towards the towel that laid crumpled on the floor. Snapping his eyes up in revulsion, he knocked the crutch out of his son’s hand, making Alex stumble at the sudden force. Gripping him tight around his throat, he pinned his son hard against the wall as Alex struggled against him, the terror he felt showing in his panic-stricken face.

                Within seconds, Michael tore the Sergeant’s hand away and pushed him with a force that made the older man stumble back. He had hastily worn his clothes when he heard their voices, not wanting to intensify the already escalating encounter by storming out undressed. Standing between a shaking Alex and the man he wished dead with every fiber of his being, Michael growled.

                “Get the fuck out!”

                Sergeant Manes squared his shoulders, narrowing his eyes dangerously.

                “We’re not kids anymore, you abusive dick!” Michael shouted, reaching behind him with one hand to protectively shield Alex. “You want a fight? I’m standing right here! Only this time you don’t have your hammer to help you. I will kick your ass so hard you’ll wish you were dead.”

                He glanced back at Alex worriedly, but the other man was still frozen, his childhood trauma unnervingly clear in his unblinking eyes.

                “I will _never_ let you hurt him again,” Michael vowed. “Get out!”

                The Sergeant threw one final look at his son before thundering out of the cabin, slamming the door behind him. All the fight immediately left Michael as he spun around and pulled a shocked Alex into his arms.

                “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered, holding him tight. “I am _so_ sorry.”

                Alex began shaking and let out a pained sound that shattered Michael. He held Alex even tighter, allowing him the comfort and safety of his arms to cry. Suddenly pulling away, Alex limped towards the bathroom, his crutch forgotten, and crashed in front of the toilet just in time. Michael quietly kneeled beside him, rubbing his back in soothing circles as he wiped at his own tears, willing himself not to crumble.

                 Once the heaving finally stopped, Michael flushed the toilet and gently moved Alex so his back was leaning against the tub. Wetting a small towel with warm water, he kneeled down and gently wiped his face as Alex sat in a daze, staring into nothing. Once his face was clean, Michael reached down and gingerly held Alex’s hand. The touch brought the other man out of his daze. When he focused on Michael’s face, the life slowly started returning to his eyes.

                 “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

                 “You have nothing to be sorry for,” Michael said, shaking his head,

                 “But I do, don’t I?” Alex replied, his voice cracking. “He hates me so much. What he’s capable of, what he’s done…”

                 His gaze lowered to Michael’s mangled hand.

                 “I have _never_ blamed you for that, Alex.”

                 “But I blame myself. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have hurt you like that. You never would have been in that shed to begin with,” Alex whispered, his exhaustion winning out.

                 “Alex, stop it, please,” Michael begged. “Don’t take the blame for anything that animal has done.”

                 “I went to war for eight year, lost my leg and it still wasn’t enough,” Alex continued as if Michael hadn’t spoken. “The hate he feels for me runs so deep and all because I love another boy.”

                 The tears he had tried so hard to hold in began to well in Michael’s eyes, making him grip the sides of Alex’s face.

                 “Don’t let him get in your head.”

                 “Don’t you get it, Guerin? He’s always there!” Alex shouted, scrambling to his feet and limping out of the bathroom.

                 “Alex…,” Michael rushed after him but the other man cut him off.

                 “Please, just go,” he pleaded, turning towards him with a shattering vulnerability. “I’m two seconds away from breaking down and I don’t want you here to see me like that. I need to be alone.”

                 “Alex, I am _not_ leaving you. Not after that!”

                 “Leave!” Alex shouted through his tears, pushing at Michael.

                 Spinning around, he limped back to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. Falling to the ground, he broke down in tears as the last of his resolve melted away.

                 “Alex, please open the door,” Michael pleaded from the other side, but all he could hear was the silent cries.

                 Stepping towards the bedroom, he grabbed his discarded phone and quickly dialed Maria.

_“Hey Guerin.”_

                 “Can you get to Alex’s cabin? His piece of shit father was just here, and Alex is a mess. He wants me to leave but I don’t want him alone. Please, get here.”

                 When Maria immediately agreed, he hung up and walked back to the bathroom, sinking to the ground behind the door and tilting his head to the side.

                 “I don’t want to leave you, but I will if you need me to,” he began, taking a deep breath to steady his overwhelming emotions. “I called Maria and she’ll be here soon. I’m just going to sit here until she comes, okay?”

                 Silence was his only response. They sat on opposite sides of the bathroom door for several minutes until Maria crashed through the open entryway. Her worried gaze found Michael as he slowly rose to his feet. She took in his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks but bit her tongue before she could question his appearance.

                 “Where is he?” she asked instead.

                 “Maria’s here now,” Michael spoke towards the door before he turned towards her, his resolve slowly breaking. “Please take care of him.”

                 Rushing past her, he climbed into his truck and desperately tried to jam his keys into the slot, failing each time. Angrily tossing the keys at his windshield, he slammed the fist of his mangled hand against the steering wheel over and over and let out an angry cry. Inside, Maria knocked on the bathroom door.

                 “Alex, it’s me,” she said, keeping her voice gentle.

                 When she heard the door unlocking, she twisted the knob and let out a breath when she saw his crumpled body against the tub.

                 “Let’s go outside. Come on,” she said, reaching down to help him to his feet.

                 He numbly limped towards the couch and once she was sitting, he laid down with his head in her lap.

                 “I’m sorry,” she soothed, brushing the hair out of his face.

                 They stayed that way for a long time until his breathing began to steady.

                 “Do you want to tell me what happened?” she eventually asked but the shake of his head made her try a different approach. “When Guerin called me, I’ve never heard him so worried before.”

                 Alex slowly rose from her lap until he was sitting upright.

                 “Is he gone?” he asked quietly.

                 “He left after I got here,” she nodded. “But he looked on the verge of tears.”

                 Alex tilted his head back, sighing angrily at himself. Maria watched him for a moment until his eyes met hers.

                 “Museum guy?” she took a guess.

                 All Alex could do was nod. Maria took a moment to digest the information before taking his hand in hers.

                 “Do you want to tell me what happened with your dad?” she tried again.

                 “Same thing that always does,” he said with a humorless laugh. “He gets to me, gets inside my head and all of a sudden, I’m right back where I was all those years ago, terrified at the man staring down at me. I’m a soldier, I spent eight years at war and the things I saw over there, what we all went through, what _I_ went through…he’s still the one thing that scares me the most.”

                “Alex,” she said sadly but he turned to face her.

                "Thank you for coming but there’s somewhere I have to go.”

                “Can I come with you?” she offered.

                “Thank you but I need to do this alone.”

                She sighed before accepting his decision.

                “The festival is tonight at the town square. Will you come for a bit? I’m going with Liz. Could be a nice way to take your mind off things.”

                “I doubt it but I’ll try,” he replied.

                They rose to their feet and leaned forward to embrace.

                “Call me after you do whatever you need to go do.”

                He smiled at her before limping with her to the door. She kissed his cheek and hesitated another moment before walking out. Closing the door behind her, he reached for his fallen crutch and steadied himself. Making his way to the bedroom, his eyes quickly darted to the unmade bed. Shaking his thoughts away, he spent the next while showering and getting dressed, going through the motions in a robotic manner before making his way to his truck outside.

                Driving for several minutes, he turned through a set of gates and parked under a canopy of trees. Climbing out, he slowly made his way across the grass, bypassing several tombstones until he reached his mother’s grave. Lowering himself beside her small headstone, he wrapped his arms around his knees and sighed.

                “Hi Mom,” he began after a few seconds of silence. “So, I just had a really bad day and I wanted to tell you about it.”

                He stared out at the row of graves scattered across the land, the silence of the cemetery allowing him to gather his thoughts.

                “The day started perfectly. I was with Michael,” he said, smiling softly. “It always feels so good, being with him. The way he looks at me, like I’m the only one in the world, is overwhelming sometimes but in the best possible way.”

                He looked down for a moment before continuing.

                “I love him more than anything,” he confessed.

                Wiping at a stray tear, he tightened his hold around his knees.

                “Why does dad hate me so much, Mom?” he asked, his voice beginning to crack. “All I’m guilty of is loving Michael. Why does it matter so much that he’s a boy?”

                Resting the side of his face on his arms, he bit his quivering lower lip.

                “He’s been so cruel to me, Mom. I thought joining the Air Force would somehow appease him but he’s just as much a monster now as he was then. I’m older, I’ve been through a lot these past ten years. They’ve hardened me in many ways but when he comes at me like he did today, I shift back into that scared kid again and I hate it so much,” he spoke into the silence around him. “What he did to Michael’s hand back then, that day in the tool shed that should have been the happiest moment of my life…Mom, how could Michael still want me after everything? After I keep pushing him away and hurting him, all for a father who will never love me?”

                 He took a deep breath and looked out at the sunshine lighting the grass between the graves.

                 “Michael is my happiness, Mom. I have never felt so calm or such peace as I do when I’m with him. I have never felt so loved but I keep wrecking it because I let dad get to me and I can’t do that anymore,” he exclaimed, wiping his eyes again. “He abused me, he hurt me, and he will _never_ love me. I have to stop letting him hold that power over me. That crushing fear I feel every time I’m around him, I have to break it. I don’t know how but I know I have to because otherwise, I’ll keep drowning until there’s nothing left. Michael is worth it. Our love is worth it. It’s worth everything.”

                 Reaching out, he ran his fingers over her name.

                 “I miss you so much, Mom.”

                 With a final kiss laid upon the headstone, he rose to his feet and slowly limped his way towards his truck. Glancing back at the grave from a distance, he felt a sense of resolve iron its way inside him.

 

 


	3. THREE

 

 

                 As he slowly made his way through the outer grounds of the base, dressed in his camouflage battledress uniform, Alex tore off his cap and ran his free hand nervously through his hair. Airmen ranked below him saluted as he limped by before going about their business. Once he reached the main facility, he tipped his fingers to salute the Airmen placed on guard and slipped inside. Surveying the grounds around him, he smiled when he spotted one of the young soldiers from his old unit who had served under him before Alex had been injured and pulled from the front lines.

                “Hi, Sir!” Airman First Class Benny Mitchell greeted, saluting his old Captain but Alex waved the formality way. “I thought you were taking a personal day today.”

                “That was the plan but something came up,” Alex replied, leaning on his good leg to relieve some of the pressure. “Have you seen my father?”

                “Lieutenant Colonel Jeffries is conferring with Majors Davis and Allen. Chief Master Sergeant Manes should be with them,” the Airman explained and pointed to the Tactical Office at the end of the base.

                “Thanks, Benny,” Alex said and limped around him.

                “Is everything alright, Sir?”

                Alex stopped to look at the young soldier for a moment before he started laughing. “Ask me tomorrow.”

                They exchanged a smile before Alex continued towards the end of the base, groaning when he noticed two guards posted outside the office door.

                “Oh, what the hell are you doing, Manes?” he said to himself as he approached.

                “Sorry Captain, Lieutenant Jeffries is occupied inside,” one of the two Airmen spoke once they had saluted him.

                “Can you please let him know I’m here?”

                The soldier nodded and knocked on the door. Once he was granted access, he walked inside with the door swinging shut behind him. Moments later, he stepped back out and motioned for Alex to go in. The Commander of their base stood behind the table at the center of the room, focused on the intelligence scattered on top. Alex’s superiors, Majors Davis and Allen, were standing on the Colonel’s either side while his father leaned against the table, watching him with narrowed eyes.

                “Alex, good of you to come in today. How are you, son?” the Colonel asked with a friendly smile once Alex had saluted his three superiors.

                “I'm well, Colonel. Forgive the interruption,” he said, standing straight.

                “That’s quite enough with the formal stance, Captain. At ease,” the Colonel waved him off and Alex took a grateful step forward, leaning against the table to take the weight off his leg. “But I believe I told you to take a personal day and rest that intelligent brain of yours.”

                “Yes, you did Sir,” Alex said, sharing a smile with Major Davis who had become more of a friend than his superior over the years.

                Jeffries finished scanning the document in his hand before he lowered the folder back to the table and looked up.

                “How many times do I have to ask you to wear your medals, Captain?” he asked, shaking his head fondly.

                “As always, once more is needed, Colonel,” Alex replied, making the two Majors chuckle.

                “That’s why I like you, Alex. Humble to the bone,” Jeffries commented, glancing at his father. “How proud you must be of him, two time Medal of Honor recipient and yet incredibly modest.”

                Alex chuckled at the absurd idea of his father ever being proud. When Sergeant Manes glared at him, he cleared his throat and straightened.

               “Well, what’s on your mind, son?” Jeffries continued, switching his attention back to Alex.

                “I came here to do something but I’m not sure if it’s the right move anymore,” Alex said, biting his lower lip.

                “What is it you want to do?” Jeffries asked and Alex looked between the three pairs of eyes that were focused on him, ignoring his father altogether.

                “To be honest, Sir, it’s something that you will probably slap a Conduct Unbecoming charge against me for,” Alex said, his words making the men in the room glance between themselves in confusion.

                “I’m not sure I understand,” Jeffries said after a minute.

                “You may even court-martial me for it,” Alex added as an afterthought.

                “Alex, what are you talking about?” Major Davis asked, taking a step towards him but Alex held his hand up to stop his friend.

                Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to steel himself. When he opened his eyes, his anxiety had vanished.

                “I didn’t want to do this in front of you but if I don’t now, I’ll probably lose whatever nerve I have. Please know, Sir, that I mean no disrespect.”

                Ignoring the confused people in front of him, Alex gave a small nod before he suddenly pulled his fist back and punched his father square in his face. As the others scrambled in shock, Sergeant Manes stumbled backwards and hit the wall, grabbing his bleeding nose.

                “Captain, what is the meaning of this?” Jeffries demanded.

                Alex ignored his Superior Officer, too amped up with adrenaline. He took advantage of the momentum and the bewildered look on his father’s face to hit him again. As Sergeant Manes fell against the cabinet to his left, Alex used his crutch and angrily pressed the steel against his father’s throat.

                “That’s enough!” Jeffries shouted.

                The two soldiers posted outside rushed into the room from the commotion but Jeffries held his hand up to stop them.

                “Captain, enough! That is an order!”

                “How does it feel?” Alex spat in his father’s face, ignoring the noise around him as he pressed the crutch even harder.

                Major Davis quickly rushed between them, pulling Alex away and holding Sergeant Manes at arm’s length.

                “I demand an explanation!” the Colonel cut through the tension.

                “Everything you did to me in my childhood, all that abuse and trauma, all that anger and hate that has followed me my whole life, I am done letting you destroy me,” Alex exclaimed, his eyes never leaving his father’s.

                Sergeant Manes quickly darted his gaze to the others in the room.

                “I was a fifteen year old kid, my mom had died, my brothers were gone and all I had was _you_ ,” Alex continued. “I was a kid and what you did to me, all the ways that you hurt me, I will never let you do that to me again. I will never let you hurt anyone I love ever again.”

                He looked towards his Superiors, his determination unbreakable.

                “I’m gay,” he announced before looking back to his father, “but I won’t be that scared kid anymore. I have eight years of battle under my belt and all of my experiences in war are my own. They can charge me or dismiss me from the military for what I just did but do you know what, dad? It was worth it.”

                Sergeant Manes stared at him speechlessly as Alex faced the Colonel once more.

                “Apologies again, Colonel. Please do as you see fit.”

                Turning on his heel, he forced himself to walk out of the room without the help of his crutch, leaving in his wake a group of startled men. Once he was well away from view of the office, Alex slipped behind a wall and finally let himself shake. Shutting his eyes, he tightly gripped his crutch with both hands, taking several deep breaths to calm his thundering heart. Wiping his tears before they could fall, he left the refuge of the wall and limped his way out of the base. Sitting behind the wheel of his truck, he took a minute to laugh hysterically at what had just happened. Getting his breathing under control, he pulled away from the base and drove towards town.

 

                *****

 

                “Isobel, why did you have to drag me here?” Michael whined.

                “It’s the Founder’s Day Festival, Michael. The whole town will be here,” she reminded him.

                “I care because…?”

                Isobel looked around them, seeing the closest crowd busy amongst themselves. “It helps to blend in, remember?”

                “We’ve been blending in for years,” he said with a roll of his eyes just as Liz made her way towards them, Kyle and Max on her either side.

                “Now there’s a love triangle no one asked for,” Isobel remarked. “Just like high school all over again.”

                She laughed and faced Michael.

                “Stop brooding already! If you need to get laid, just tell me and I will find someone willing and able.”

                “Do you even hear yourself, Isobel?” Michael replied angrily. “I don’t want to get laid.”

                “Then why were you destroying your trailer when I got there earlier? Are you telling me that wasn’t pent up sexual frustration?”

                “What is she talking about?” Max asked, permanent frown in place as he caught the end of their conversation.

                “Nothing. I just had a bad day,” Michael said with a sigh.

                “Did you get into another fight?” Max questioned.

                “No, _deputy_. You can put your cuffs away.”

                “Michael,” Max began, frustrated.

                “Why can’t you both just leave me alone? I had a really bad day and it’s worse now because you dragged me out here.”

                “Damn, Guerin, what’s got your panties in a twist?” Kyle remarked and Michael spun towards him.

                “If you’re looking for a fight, Valenti, I’ll give you one.”

                “Michael!” Isobel scolded, glancing at the curious looks from people around them.

                Kyle watched him for a moment before shaking his head.

                “I don’t want to fight you, Guerin. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said before a thought came to him. “Was everything okay the other night?”

                Michael narrowed his gaze as Isobel reached for his arm.

                “What’s he talking about? What happened?”

                “Nothing. All of you, just lay off!” he snapped and faced Kyle again. “Especially you.”

                “This group is seriously tense,” Maria’s voice cut in as she stepped beside Liz. “What did I miss?”

                “Your guess is as good as mine,” Liz said with a shrug.

                Michael lifted his gaze to Maria but before he could secretly motion for her to follow him, Isobel spoke again.

                “Michael, I’m worried about you,” she started, the concern in her voice forcing him to face her. “You’ve been so up and down these past few weeks. What’s going on? Did you get in a fight with someone? Scorned lover?”

                “Isobel, please just _stop_.”

                “There are plenty of other single women in town, Michael. There’s a bunch in the building where Noah works. He can try and hook you up with…”

                “I don’t want a random hookup,” he said in frustration.

                “Then what do you want?”

                “The only thing I’ve wanted since I was seventeen!” he snapped, bringing the focus on him from their group and the scattered people around them. “The one thing I have always wanted but could never really have. I keep getting close, _so_ close, and then it’s ripped away from me again.”

                “I don’t understand,” Isobel started.

                “Oh my God,” Maria suddenly whispered, forcing Michael to turn her way but she was looking past his shoulder.

                “Guerin.”

                Eyes widening, Michael spun around to see Alex standing several feet away. He had changed into a pair of dark jeans and a green flannel he kept spare in his truck, leaning against his crutch for balance. They stared at one another for a long moment, neither aware of the world around them. Isobel darted her eyes between them, confused by the weirdly intimate feeling she was getting.

                Knowing it was a now or never moment and using whatever leftover courage he had from before, Alex took a deep breath and slowly closed the distance between them. Michael watched him, unblinking, and was about to question when Alex dropped his crutch to the ground and pulled him in by the sides of his face, crashing their lips together. Michael made a sound of surprise but instantly melted against him, wrapping his arms protectively around Alex and deepening the kiss. Maria squealed happily as she clung to a laughing Liz while Kyle looked on with a smirk. Max watched with a thoughtful look on his face while Isobel stood with wide eyes, her jaw open.

                Alex managed to pull away, gasping for air but Michael groaned as he yanked him back in, tightening his hold and kissing him again. Once he had his fix, Michael moved his lips to Alex’s throat, littering the soft skin with gentle kisses.

                “Is this real?” he whispered, leaning back to catch the other man’s gaze. “Do I really have you?”

                “You’ve always had me, Michael. I’m so sorry it took me this long to get here,” Alex replied.

                “None of that matters. You’re _here_ ,” Michael said, hiding the disbelief he felt behind his wide smile.

                Pulling him in again, he kissed him with all the love he felt in his heart. They pulled away, ending their kiss tenderly as Alex covered Michael’s heart with his hands, the rapid beating soothing him.

                “Excuse me?” Isobel finally exploded.

                Snapping out of their bubble, they both turned to see the mixture of smiles and disbelief on the faces around them. Feeling Alex tense at the sudden attention, Michael rubbed his hands up and down his back to comfort him.

                “Seriously, what the hell?” Isobel exclaimed.

                “Iz, _don’t_ ,” Michael warned, knowing that any wrong reaction could destroy the little confidence Alex had built before he’s kissed him in public.

                “How did I not see this?” Isobel demanded, her words making Alex lean back to look at her. “I mean, so many things make sense. Those looks you would give Alex back in high school when you thought no one was looking? All that pining you did after he joined the Air Force and left Roswell? The sudden happiness you had which coincided with his return to town?”

                Michael started to blush when Alex looked at him, a softness in his gaze. They shared a small smile until Michael’s gaze focused on Alex’s sore hand.

               “What happened?” he asked, gently rubbing his thumb over the bruised knuckles.

               “I punched my dad,” Alex said with a laugh. “Twice.”

               “Did he…?” Michael began angrily.

               “No, I went to the base,” Alex quickly corrected before sighing. “Probably not the smartest idea I’ve ever had considering I hit him in front of three superior officers, one of which is our base Commander. They may court-martial me.”

               Michael began to protest but Alex shook his head.

               “It was worth it.”

                Michael sighed before turning back towards their group. Isobel had her arms crossed at her chest, still waiting.

               “Anyone have anything they want to say?” he demanded.

               When Isobel rolled her eyes, exasperated, Alex nudged against Michael’s shoulder.

               “Can we get out of here?”

               Michael smiled in response and tangled their hands together. Alex briefly caught the happy looks Maria and Liz were sending him and looked away, blushing. Before they turned to leave, an elderly lady neither recognized stepped in front of them, blocking their escape. She kept her eyes trained on Alex and he reflexively tried to free his hand from Michael’s but the other man tightened his grip.

               “I just want to say one thing,” the woman began, standing a foot shorter than them.

               Before Alex could speak, she reached her hands out to his shirt and pulled him in, pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek. When she leaned back, Alex was stunned speechless.

               “Thank you for your service, sweet boy,” she said, her smile genuine. “Now let this boy love you and take care of you.”

               Alex felt tears forming in his eyes as he nodded. Patting his cheek like any grandmother would, she made her way back to her own family as Alex ran a hand through his hair.

               “Come on,” Michael whispered, leading him through the crowd towards the empty lot.

               Once they reached Alex’s truck, Michael gently pressed him against the door and kissed him.

               “Are you okay?” he asked, leaning back to take in his expression.

               “Not as terrified as I thought I would be,” Alex replied with a small chuckle.

               “Alex, about your dad…”

               “No, it’s okay, Michael. Whatever happens with that, I went in there knowingly,” he assured him. “Will you come somewhere with me?”

               “Anywhere,” Michael replied, reaching into Alex’s back pocket and removing his keys.

               Alex smiled as he moved to the passenger side, climbing in. Michael sat behind the wheel and once they were on the main road, he reached for Alex’s hand. Lifting it to his lips, he pressed a kiss against the knuckles as Alex watched him, smiling peacefully. He guided Michael through the back roads until they reached the cemetery gates. Once the truck was parked, Alex gave him a reassuring smile before they slowly made their way through the graves. When they finally stopped, Michael felt the significance of the moment.

               “Hey Mom,” Alex greeted, taking a step away from Michael. “It’s me again. I know what you’re thinking. Twice in one day. What’s gotten into me?”

               Michael stayed where he was, wanting to give Alex the space he needed to get his words out.

               “So, I brought someone to meet you. It’s Michael, Mom.”

                Alex lifted his gaze and gave Michael a small smile before facing the grave again.

                “There’s always so much I want to tell him but my mind is usually a jumbled mess. I figured it may be easier for me to get everything out in your presence.”

                Michael wanted to reach out and wrap Alex in his arms but he kept his feet rooted to the ground.

                “After I left here earlier, I made a decision. A few decisions actually,” Alex continued with a laugh. “I punched dad. _Twice_. I’m not too sure what that means for my future in the Air Force because I did it in front of Colonel Jeffries. He’s a good man and I respect him but there are rules of conduct and I guess I broke it. I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.”

                He shook his head and sighed.

                “But that moment, it was so liberating, Mom,” he continued. “It doesn’t mean that I’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will be okay but it was a step in the right direction, I think.”

                He glanced over at Michael whose eyes were already on him.

                “Michael and I, we had similar upbringings. It’s how we bonded initially, over our shared childhood trauma,” he continued, breaking their gaze. “But that day he kissed me in the museum for the first time, I can’t even describe it. It was the single happiest moment of my life. I fell for him, _hard_ , and my heart has been his since that day.”

                Michael let out a deep breath, finding it harder to stay where he was when all he wanted was to reach out and touch him.

                “Going to war, that whole experience, it changed me in a lot of ways. I grew stronger, more resilient to the chaos around me. One day you’re in basic training and the next, you’re in the middle of the desert, being shot at in a war you don’t even really understand,” he said before looking down at his leg. “Losing my leg wasn’t easy. My mind was a dark place for a long time. There were moments when I wanted…”

                Michael’s eyes snapped up to him as he spoke, the words piercing his heart.

                “When I woke up in that field hospital and my leg was gone, everything kind of hit me all at once. All that pain, all those memories I had tried so hard to repress and forget, they came crashing down on me and for a long time, I didn’t know if I could put myself back together again,” he quietly confessed, unaware that Michael had begun to cry. “But I survived. I made it through.”

                With a deep breath, he finally turned towards Michael, his own tears welling in his eyes.

                “I have PTSD and I get a lot of nightmares. That’s why I didn’t want to spend those nights with you, why I always left. I didn’t want you to see me like that,” he said and Michael could feel his heart breaking all over again. “But when I’m with you, you make all that other noise disappear. I feel at peace, inside.”

                Michael reached out and Alex took his hand.

                “I’m damaged in a lot of ways and what’s broken inside of me won’t heal overnight. It’s like my leg, you know? I’m disabled and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life but today, for the first time in I don’t even know how long, I found my strength again,” he continued as Michael squeezed his hand.

                Alex turned back towards his Mother’s grave, sighing deeply.

                “Standing up to dad, a part of it was for Michael because of how much I love him and want to be with him. I want to be happy, to share a life together,” he said, his words making Michael smile. “But the biggest part was for me. To take that power back and finally stop being afraid.”

                Alex looked towards the sky, basking in the warm sunlight.

                “I want to be with Michael, Mom. Forever,” he confessed, looking back down and biting his lip. “I want to ask him to bring his trailer to the cabin and move in with me. Do you think he’ll say yes?”

                Michael stood in stunned silence, a part of him not believing what he had just heard. Taking a step forward, he tightened his hold on Alex’s hand and swallowed.

                “Hi, Mrs. Manes. It’s nice to finally meet you,” he began as both men kept their eyes on the grave. “I was raised in foster care and the places I stayed, the people weren’t kind. They were abusive, each one worse than the last. It got to a point where I preferred sleeping in my truck than being with any of them and that’s when your son came into my life. It was the first time we every really talked even though we’d been in the same classes and the same circle of friends. I was nobody to him but he offered me a warm bed and a safe place to spend my nights. That single act of kindness took my breath away.”

                Alex wiped a stray tear from his cheek and squeezed Michael’s hand.

                “Then at prom, when I saw Valenti go at him, every instinct I had was to wrap Alex up in my arms and never let anything or anyone hurt him again. I didn’t really understand what I was feeling but when he came by the shed a few nights later and gave me a guitar, I was completely gone on him. It surprised me. That’s why I pulled away but it didn’t take long for me to realize. After our first kiss, I knew that was it. I have loved him since that day and even though we’ve spent so much time apart, my heart has never looked sideways.”

                Lifting Alex’s hand to his lips, he pressed another gentle kiss.

                “Your son is the bravest person I know,” Michael said, facing the grave once more as Alex closed his eyes. “I want to love him, to start a life with him, to wake up every morning holding him and spend every night kissing his nightmares away. So, in response to his question, my answer is yes.”

                Alex snapped his eyes open just before they crashed their lips together again. Michael pressed kisses all over Alex’s face, brushing his tears away before he reached for his wallet. Removing a folded napkin, he put his wallet away and slowly unwrapped the object. When the final fold lifted, Alex gasped. Inside was a simple, silver band ring that Alex had worn through high school and had given to Michael on the night he departed.

                “You kept that?” he asked, stunned.

                “I used to wear it on a chain around my neck since that night you gave it to me,” Michael admitted. “People kept teasing me over the years, telling me it was a secret spouse I was keeping hidden. I started keeping it in my pocket around other people but when it was just me, on my own, it was always around my neck.”

                “Michael,” Alex breathed out his name.

                Michael bit his lip before tilting the ring so Alex could look inside.

                “I had it inscribed on a drunk night two years ago,” he said with a laugh.

                Alex leaned down to read the words “Forever yours, Michael.”

                When he looked back up, Michael was smiling.

                “I held onto it for ten years, hoping that one day, you’d come home to me,” he said before sighing. “I wasn’t a saint or a monk but what I felt for you, that never changed. Everyone else was just a placeholder, sweetheart.”

                Alex let out a shaky breath, completely overwhelmed.

                “I love you,” Michael whispered.

                Without any hesitation, Alex pulled him into his arms as they embraced one another in silence. They stayed that way for several long minutes, neither wanting to break the hold. Eventually leaning back, Michael slipped the ring on Alex’s left hand and grinned.

                “That will have to do until I make it official,” he said, his words making Alex laugh as he turned towards the grave. “Hey Mrs. Manes, think he’ll say yes?”

                “Yes,” Alex replied with a smile. “The answer has always been yes.”

                Michael’s smile widened as he pulled Alex back towards him, kissing him sweetly. They pressed their foreheads together, finally at peace.

 

 


End file.
